balancing honesty, privacy and who knows what else

Funny how things work out. Friend no. 1 was not able to join us so GI and I went to the movies on our own. In a way that was a relief.  The Cave of Forgotten Dreams was really amazing, really, really cool.  GI is hilarious, she’s all nervous and starts giggling every time we are kissing.  It’s really sweet.  During the movie, we held hand and it turned out to be a very subtle but super hot type of hand holding.  Her kisses are sweet and a bit shy but very nice too.  I like her.  I like hearing her stories and telling her mine.

I want to be honest. Honest to GI and Pearsons and to myself.  In my attempts to trying to figure out if I need to make them aware of each others existence I asked myself if I would want to know if I were in their shoes.  I then realized that the answer was somewhat irrelevant but here it is anyway.  I’m not sure.  I would want to know if I felt this was super serious material but I wouldn’t want to know if it only would make me insecure.  But back to realizing that the answer was not that important.  I realized that it really wouldn’t be my place to expect to know at this point, that it really wouldn’t yet be any of my business although I could ask if I felt the need but I should only ask questions that I’m willing to hear the answer to, even if I don’t like it.

And then going back to being honest to myself, this is the most important thing at the moment.  First I need to figure out how I’m feeling and what I would like to do.  I’m more and more convinced that what I want to do right now is to continue dating both GI and Pearsons.  I still want more with each one of them and I don’t feel ready to choose.  That is what I want .