I don’t miss you anymore

It’s been over a month since we last spoke and today, in the middle of a music festival, I realised that I don’t miss you.  This was not because I was having such a grand time and I therefore, who needs you kind of situation but because I felt a bit out of place even when I was sort of enjoying myself and I remember wondering weeks ago if you’d be here this weekend and if you’d like this festival.  Probably so but you’re not here and that’s not the point.

The point is that I still think of you pretty much everyday but how could I miss you when there’s never been enough between us?  I don’t miss that.  I don’t miss trying to communicate, I wont miss your freak outs and lack of consideration for me.  I don’t miss not feeling entitled to being upset.  I don’t miss realising that you must dread hearing from me.

Eventually, I wont miss being sad about this new disappointment and I wont miss being angry at you.  Right now, all I know is that I don’t really think I give a fuck if we are ever close again, if we are friends anymore.  Perhaps one day I will but not today. Today I can’t afford to care about you or miss you.  Today I am angry and the only other thing left is numbness because that’s how I can get through this and not sink deeper and deeper.